Who Are We Judging?

Who are we judging?

A judge or Judged?

Have you ever felt judged after sharing your life experience? Have you deemed a failure when you did something that didn’t turn out well? And have you ever disliked someone when you disagreed with what they did?

Well, the truth is we always judge someone, some situation, and even ourselves all the time. That is how our brain works. It is how our brain defends us from getting hurt and having pleasure. It is called a defense mechanism.

What is a defense mechanism?

“Defense mechanisms are psychological strategies to protect us from anxiety arising from unacceptable thoughts or feelings. We are mostly unaware of our defenses and mostly deny them. According to Freudian theory, defense mechanisms involve a distortion of reality in some ways so that we can cope better with a situation.” www.simplypsychology.com

So what are the triggers?

  1. Inferiority. We judge people to make us feel better. And that happens when we feel psychologically insecure, threatened, or inferior. But please understand that judging others implies our self-judged. We unknowingly think we don’t measure up. Or sometimes, we are shaken by the fact that we might not be good enough. So we defend ourselves by judging others who unknowingly make us feel less or inadequate.
  2. Insecurity. We judge others when we feel insecure. Someone may have shaken our beliefs or the values we hold on to for life. When that belief or value is challenged by a new perspective from someone we respect their opinion, we might consider it, though shaken. However, if the value is challenged by someone we hardly know or disregard, we go to our default defense: judging.
  3. Fear. We might notice how we judge others. Frequently, we tend to discriminate against people with different social and cultural backgrounds, different races, beliefs, and ethnicities. Why? Because we don’t know them. And we tend to react in all possible ways, from mild to wild or even cruel, out of ignorance caused by fear. We are afraid of what we don’t know. That’s why we try to understand so as not to fear. However, in most cases, we react negatively and sometimes mercilessly out of fear without trying to understand what the real threats are. Is there even a threat? Or is it just our imagination out of pure ignorance?
  4. Self-denial. The self-denial triggers defense in the form of judgment. This type of defensive behavior is known by a psychological term as ‘projection.’ We deny something we don’t like about ourselves. We hide them so deep that we don’t know we still have them. But when we see the same behavior or personality traits we dislike, unaware that we also have them, we project our dislike onto others. We judge them, and sometimes we even have an overly strong criticism of that person. We somehow miss our self-awareness as to why we reacted so strongly toward the person or even shunned them for no good reason. Why? Well, it is easier to hate and criticize others for the behavior we reject in ourselves than accepting we have them too. Unfortunately, this behavior only induces a more severe case of self-hatred.  

How do we deal with judgmental behavior?

  1. Self-awareness. It is a critical tool to help us from falling into the trap of judging. We need to develop self-awareness; so we become sensitive to our urge or motif to judge others or ourselves.
  2. Slow down and restrain the urge to respond mentally, verbally, or physically. The reaction is our default mode of defense. Do not fall for that. Try taking a deep breath to get in touch with your present. This will create awareness. However, if no wisdom arises yet, just ask yourself why you judge. Find out the reason within your mind. Acknowledge them without denial. Choose how you want to take action, not reaction. Be aware that you will not project your negativities about the traits you dislike to the person in front of you. They are not the target. They are only reflections for you to learn that you have that trait. And you need to acknowledge it and learn how to deal with it within yourself.
  3. Empathy. Empathize the person you are about to judge. Know that you also have the trait, maybe a different way of expressing it. Empathize with them as fellow human beings who struggle and thrive for the better. Congratulate them when they progress, even when that progress is ahead of yours. Empathize with yourself for any default negativity you may have at first. Know that you are on the journey of self-improvement too.
  4. Understanding. The best way to rid of our fear is to understand. We may need to understand both ourselves and others. Firstly, we need to comprehend why we have that fear. What does it tell us? Is that fear a real threat, or only our imagination? Then, try to understand others or the object of our fear. What are they? Who are they? What is it about them that frightens us? Is it harmful or just different? Understanding leads to new discoveries and knowledge. It is a light that vacates the darkness of ignorance and ignites the flame of wisdom.
  5. Self-love. People who don’t love themselves do not know how to love others. They are in misery and full of judgment about themselves. When self-criticism is overwhelmed, they seek refuge through judging others. Practicing self-acceptance and self-compassion to induce authentic self-love can save us from initially harming ourselves and others with judgment.

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The Dark Side Of Kindness

The Dark Side Of Kindness by ANNIEmalista

When angels turned demons

What is Kindness?

Before I elaborate on this topic, I would like to define kindness and the difference between kindness and compassion first.

Compassion is outward and inward, and it is not necessarily action-oriented. It is more feeling-oriented.

Kindness, however, is a behavioral action that others can see. It is a social signal involving warmth, affection, and playfulness. Kindness involves expression through kind words, gestures, or even help. When people are kind, they tend to help others to feel happier. Mostly kindness is about helping others without expecting anything in return. However, there is still a dark side to kindness.

What Is The Dark Side of Kindness?

Kindness, in general, is selfless. However, when someone is bound to help someone else consistently, it is natural that expectations would arise. One party becomes dependent, while the other party becomes more caring. The caring may develop into domineering. 

We tend to think for them. And before we know it, we take possession of what we thought was good for others and are in control of how they should lead their lives. Naturally, this possessiveness and control cause uneasiness in the other party. They will gradually break free from us. And we might feel upset and betrayed. The madness can go on; until we realize we have overstepped the boundary between kindness and control freak.

In some cases, kindness for another person may develop into an attachment to the person. Sometimes it seems like love. However, with no love in return, we might feel betrayed or at least sad and disappointed. We may develop jealousy instead of kindness. Before we know it, we might become ugly people.

Do we really want to turn into a demon?

Do we want to be that person? It ruins the virtue of our kindness and sympathy down to the core. And what is the bonus? Well, we get upset as we can get disappointed by dissatisfaction. Why? Because when we expect someone to do something, we have an attachment either to the action or to the result. And when our expectations are unmet, we are disappointed and sometimes angry.

So, we might want to ask ourselves: how did we get this carried away from a simple generosity to this madness of expectation and control?

The answer is simple. We tend to lose track of the original motif to help. At first, we felt the difficulty of others. Then, we sympathized. Then, we helped them. That’s pure kindness. However, when we do it repeatedly and get bloated with the pride of being able to help, we unknowingly develop an oversized ego. Or some might call it ‘self-image.’ Expectations come with the ego. We draw an image of what we think others see us. Then, we create the expectation of how that image should be. Sometimes it could happen differently. It may start with simple generosity and concerns. Then, we develop the attachment to the development of the person. We forget they can carry on with their lives. A need for occasional help does not mean they are incompetent or incapable of taking care of themselves or leading their own lives.

So, if you want to avoid the original kindness ending up messy, I suggest you ask yourself this series of questions to keep your awareness in check.

  1. Why did I want to help them in the first place?
  2. Did I help them already?
  3. Do they still need help? Can they continue with their lives on their own?
  4. Did I serve the original purpose of kindness? Can I let go now?
  5. When they don’t follow my advice, why do I feel bad? What is the real issue here?
  6. Am I done here? Can I move on and let them move on too?

Work on the awareness: we can only control ourselves

Or a simple way to keep our awareness in check is to be aware that we can only help where we can. However, we cannot take control of other people’s lives. We still can’t manage our own lives well. And it is madness trying to control others while we can only control ourselves. And we haven’t done well at that either.

Let go

Learning to let go of the result is also the key. We have served the original purpose of helping someone out of misery or making someone feel happy. When we have done so, it’s time to let go. Anything more than that without a request for help can develop into possession.

Self-love & be kind to yourself

Another factor is loving yourself. Don’t forget to love yourself and be kind to yourself too. You can’t keep helping others who don’t try to help themselves. When you are kind to others, you should be kind to yourself too. And when you see your help is no longer required, give yourself some decency to bid a farewell, wish them well, and move on.

This way, we can keep our kindness and compassion clean and pure.

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How To Let Go Of Your Past Trauma

The Buddhist Way Of Letting Go Of Your Past Trauma

How to let go of your past trauma.  The Buddhist Way of Mindfulness.

Wounds & Emotional Trauma

We all have wounds growing up into adulthood. Those wounds might be big or small, depending on how we give meaning to them. Some people experienced trauma since childhood and couldn’t let go. They do not realize the trauma they bury in their minds will keep attracting similar events to them till they manage to let go.

We are the one who holds the knife

I believe it is the law of nature that we can’t find everything pleasing to our ears, eyes, or senses all the time. There are always someone or some events that displease us. Some events may leave scars. The more we think about it, the deeper the wound. So how about we learn how to deal with our trauma without letting them consume our joy and happiness?

Are we afraid of the picture we draw or the story we tell ourselves?

What I found out during my practice of insight meditation is that emotional injuries will recur whenever we revisit the story of how they happened. The more we think about the event, the more bitter the sorrow or pain. Mostly, we add more details to the original event every time we think about it, and we end up agonizing ourselves even more.

Observe your breathing and body sensation

So how about we change our strategy? How about we reassess just the feeling that arises at the moment? Leave out the story. We can assess our sensation toward the event without thinking about any details of the event at all. We might want to leave the emotion behind and stay focused only on the feeling that arises. Then, we can observe how that sensation develops. Does it stay? Does that feeling grow stronger or weaker? What does it mean to you? What part of you is hurt by the event? Why is that? If that feeling persists, why? Do you have anything to do with it? If the sensation grows, does it have something to do with you exaggerating the story? Did you add more details and more interpretation to the story than necessary? After leaving out your interpretation, judgment, and the details of the story, how do you feel?

Be aware of the sensation and observe the sensation without exaggeration or connecting to the story.

No exaggeration or extra meaning to the event

The technique to let go of your past trauma is to analyze it as it is. Only focus on how you feel, not what you think. Avoid going into the details or drowning yourself in the story or the drama. You can stick to the feeling and dive deep into your sensation. Observe it with no judgment. Stay equanimous. You will not be able to rid yourself of these miseries that haunt you for a long time; however, it is a good start. Keep practicing and see how you feel. Without giving more fuel to the event, do you feel better?

Try & Share Your Experience

Try the technique and kindly share with me whether it helps relieve your pain. Remember. People hurt you once. It’s you who keeps stabbing yourself over and over again with your thoughts of the event. You cannot control how others treat you. But you can choose to act or react. You can choose to keep hurting yourself or liberate yourself by empathizing and letting go. The choice is yours.

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Are we hiding behind reasons?

Are we hiding behind reasons?

Are you hiding behind reason?

Are you someone with logic and reason? Do you always have good excuses not to do something you need to do? Many people are unaware of their avoidance and hide behind their logic not to take the risk or leave their comfort zone. Are you one of these people?

Are we in denial?

Even with this in mind, I’m sure many of you still have good arguments for this observation. I am one of these people. Whenever I don’t want to do something I need to do, I always come up with many good reasons not to do it. I do not want to admit I am afraid. I am worried about the outcome. I fear I may not be able to do it. I am dreadful that I might fail. It is safer for me to appear logical and thoughtful by coming up with sound logic and explanations why I shouldn’t do what I need to do.

It’s about what you want

The outcome is I’m safe. But I also never achieve anything of significance. If you want to live your life in a safe zone, hiding behind your logic might be a good idea. However, if you do not want to live your life and keep doubting what, you might have to stop making excuses and do it.

Stop hiding behind logic and excuses.

First, check if you want a change in your life or not. If you do, it’s time to take action.

Secondly, ask yourself what the worst could it be. Why are you afraid?

Thirdly, ask yourself what means more: the possibility that you might win or the chance of losing. And are you willing to bet on yourself?

Fourth, ask yourself whether you want to spend the rest of your life asking yourself: what if? Or do you want to savor the chance of achieving your dream?

Fifth, ask yourself whether you believe in those excuses you made. What are you fearing?

Finally, put your fear and your desire on a balance scale and see which means more to you. Then, you can decide whether you want to continue hiding behind your excuses or not.

I hope these tips help and can get you started. Follow me on my Instagram @annie_anniemalista for a short VDO version of my content.

The Psychology Of Dislike

The Psychology Of Dislike.
The Psychology Of Dislike

The psychology of dislike and how to deal with your prejudice

Have you come across someone you don’t like just from the look of them for no reason? Have you talked to someone for a few moments and started despising them? Or have you met someone offensive and got on your nerve in a flash?

Well, I guess we all have had those experiences at least once in a lifetime. It is not grave when the person does not influence your life. However, it would be a problem when the person is in your close circle, for example, your boss, in-law, your friend’s spouse, or your potential client.

So how do we deal with our judgment? How do we adjust our attitude?

First, let’s find out why we feel antagonistic toward someone for no reason. According to the book ‘Dark Side Of The Light Chaser’ by Debbie Ford, we recognize the quality we dislike in another person through the distasteful quality within ourselves. However, we do not want to accept it at the conscious level.

The tricky part is the type of person we despise, and we unknowingly share the same quality, will keep coming back to our life till we find a way to make peace with that distasteful quality in ourselves.

So how do you feel when you realize that the thing you hate the most in other people is also present in you?

Some people who are honest and open to assessing their feeling might be more empathetic and less judgmental. What happens immediately is freedom. You will feel free the minute you let go of the judgment, the dislike, and the negativity against the other person.

Remember that we all have our dark side that we do not want others to see. However, if we intend to develop ourselves and become better people, we must acknowledge our dark side too.

Once you acknowledge and embrace your dark side, you know how to handle all the qualities you don’t like in yourselves. You will also be more open-minded and less judgmental. You have the freedom to make friends and embrace a different experience with less prejudice.

The best part is you will be free from the people you dislike. You will notice that the same type of people you dislike don’t keep coming back to you and disturb your peace of mind anymore. Or even if they do, they don’t bother you anyway. That is because you have already made peace with yourself. Congratulation!

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4 Techniques To Handle Ourselves Around Distasteful People

4 techniques to handle ourselves around distasteful people

How can you handle yourself being around distasteful people?

Have you been in a situation when everything was perfect except for a presence of a single person you couldn’t tolerate?

It happens to me all the time. Whenever I feel happy with my surrounding or my company, there is always a new person who quickly turns on my dark side. I was furious as the person got on my nerve, and I lost my cool and my head too. I always blame that nuisance for ruining my happiness. It has never occurred to me that it wasn’t about them: it was about me.

Are they the present in disguise?

It took years before I realized these nuisances happen to me for a reason. They might be a lesson I need to learn, a present I get to explore my dark side or a challenge I need to overcome. Or it could be all of them. Maybe, my mind attracts these unpleasant people to my life as likes attract likes. They reflect what I dislike about myself. That’s why my reaction was strong and intense.

If you share the same challenge, maybe I can share how I handle myself around them.

No. 1

First, I remind myself that I can’t control others but myself. With that in mind, I start letting go of the negativity and look for the positive points I can appreciate in the person for peace of mind.

No. 2

Second, I explore my feeling toward the person. Explore why I don’t like them. Are there any traits in them I dislike; that I can relate to my own? When I practice this exercise and am honest to myself, empathy arises. It supersedes the hatred I had for the person. It induces compassion as well. After that, I still dislike the person. However, I can manage my feeling and reaction better around them. I understand and empathize with them and myself. That makes being around them a lot easier.

No. 3

Third, I study how I can grow from the experience. What kind of present did this encounter bring to me? What can I learn from it? Can I change to rid myself of those flaws I distaste in the other person? As a result, I can develop my weakness and become a better person.

No. 4

Fourth, I realize the hatred dwelling in my mind. The person was only the trigger: not the root cause. So I feel sorry for their flaws as much as for mine. And that helps me with genuine forgiveness.

So how about you? Do you want to try some of these four tricks to help you cope with distasteful people and grow out of them?

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Is your motif philanthropic or egocentric?

Question your motif! Is it philanthropic or egocentric?

Question your motif! Is your motif philanthropic or egocentric?
Is your motif philanthropic or egocentric?

Question your motif: is it philanthropic or egocentric?

Tonight I couldn’t sleep. My heart filled with guilt and shame. After a heated exchange of opinions in a meeting, I felt shameful about my behavior.

At first, it was about righteousness. But when my anger faded, I realized it was pure ignorance and ego. I was protecting my ideas. But I went overboard.

Time to reflect on my behavior

Protecting one’s idea doesn’t need one to become a bully. After allowing myself on the rampage, I realized it didn’t make me feel good. On the contrary, I felt shameful. I felt lost. I was aware at that moment that my intention was not honorable. That explained why I didn’t feel good about it.

I dive deep into my feeling, asking myself why I did what I did. What was my motif? It occurred to me that I had a negative opinion about the person. So I attacked him as soon as he made his comment. I took it personally to defend the idea and offend him.

So, what have I learned?

First, is it right to attack someone verbally without a good cause? What have I achieved? I did not achieve anything. On the contrary, I left a negative impression on everyone in the meeting.

Secondly, was my intention selfless? Was it about the group’s success, or was it about proving myself right? I knew it was the latter.

The pitfall

The whole thing about my involvement in the project was initially pure. Later, I got attached to my idea and got carried away. It became my thought and creativity. My ego got inflated, and that was when I started bullying others.

Question yourself:

Has this experience happened to you? If so, it’s worth questioning your motif before reacting to comments that didn’t please your ears.

Why did you initially involve? Was it for you or others? What does it mean to you if your idea is praised and accepted? Did your behavior help you achieve that? Do you want to play a part or dominate the team? Would it be a team effort or an individual effort? What does that make you? What do you learn from this event? Is your intention philanthropic or egocentric?

A simple tip to scrutinize your motif

Here’s a small tip to identify your motif: philanthropic or egocentric. If there’s even the slightest shame in your mind about your behavior, it could be your motif was egocentric. The disturbing feeling in your mind is merely a sign of guilt after disturbing others’ peace of mind.

Mindfulness always helps

So, before allowing your prejudice to cloud your judgment, take a deep breath. Observe your breathing in and out. You will discover some truth, or you will come to your sense. And you will act civil.

If you have the same challenge as I do, I hope this article helps.

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Is it really about knowing your self-worth?

What to do when receiving a last-minute invitation to a social event from someone in your close circle?

What to do when receiving a last-minute invitation to a social event from someone in your close circle?

I came across an infographic post about self-respect and self-worth. That post told readers not to attend social events the hosts neglected to invite them in advance. I might agree with the writer when I was younger. But now that I’m more mature, I find some hidden sense of self-lack and hurting ego in the message.


We might want to ask ourselves why it matters. What does being the last guest invited mean to us? How do we feel about it?

Sometimes we tend to complicate things so much because we are attached to our self-image. The bad news is the image we perceive of ourselves is always different from the image others perceive in us.

Unfortunately, we are not aware of that. We expect our friends, family, and our loved ones to perceive the same image we have of ourselves. When they don’t, we are disappointed and hurt.

So, if we want to turn down some invitations, be sure we do it out of disinterest: not out of ego. When we leave the ego behind, there will be only one question to answer: whether we want to go and see someone at the event. It is that simple.

Wouldn’t that mean we lack self-respect?

No, it would not. On the contrary, it shows how high our self-esteem is. We are confident and satisfied with ourselves. We have self-love. That’s why our egos are not as sensitive. And we can let go of the hurt feeling after acknowledging it. So other people’s opinion about us is not as significant as how we feel about ourselves. That is self-love and self-respect in a combo.

So, next time before we get offended by people not giving us enough respect, shall we reflect first on our thoughts, interpretation of the event, and feelings?

Then, ask ourselves these questions.

  1. How do we feel when we first receive this last-minute invitation?
  2. What is the default response?
  3. What does it mean to us to be respected?

Now take a deep breath and dive deeper into your inner world. Explore how you feel.

What feeling stir up in you? Follow the feeling. Acknowledge its presence. Do not try to deny or put it away. There is no judgment here. Follow the sensation and see where it will lead you. (Remember to keep coming back to your breathing. Know when it comes in and when it goes out.)

  • Why do you feel that way?
  • What does it mean to you?
  • Is there anything else there?
  • Does the feeling remind you of other events in life you don’t want to revisit?
  • What color is that feeling?
  • What is behind it? How big is that feeling?
  • And where is it located?

Now, without trying to exaggerate the feeling or keep putting any more interpretation to the event, ask yourself such.

(Remember to keep coming back to your breathing. Know when it comes in and when it goes out.)

  • Does the feeling persist or dissolve?
  • What is it that remains?
  • Is there anything else coming up in your mind?
  • What insights do you have from this exercise?

Write a good analysis of your feeling toward the event genuinely and honestly. 

Re-read what you wrote.

What do you learn from it? How do you feel now?

Mostly, you’ll find your strong emotion subside or even dissolve. Congratulations! Practice the exercise until it becomes natural to you. It will help you master your emotion better in the future. It also develops a strong sense of self-worth and self-love proactively.

Try it. And please share your experience, findings, or thoughts about it in the comment box below.

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Why do we need to practice self-love?

Why do we need to practice self-love

What are the benefits of self-love?

In the previous article, I talked about the agony of not loving oneself. In this article, I will explore the benefits of self-loving.

Self-love gives you inner peace & independence

Loving yourself means accepting yourself as you are. So it helps you to live peacefully with yourself. You can enjoy your quiet time alone. It does not mean you become anti-social. But it only allows you to be solitary from time to time without anxiety or craving for social interaction. You can stay home with a book, not a mobile phone. Or you might cook or bake something by yourself.

Being in solitude allows you time for self-reflection. You can reflect on your motifs and your actions. It’s a time for wisdom. You can learn about your passion and find your life purpose. When you love and accept yourself, you are free and relaxed. Gradually, you send out a warm and empathetic vibe: no pressure or expectation and no judgment. People love to hang around cool people. And you are one of them.

Self-love induces self-worth, confidence & humility

Loving yourself enables you to see your values and your worth. So you can consider how to put those values to good use to serve your life purpose. Acknowledging your strengths is crucial. You know how you can solve a problem using what you have. To develop from one point to another, one needs to use one’s strengths. Those strengths create confidence. It is genuine from the being, not the inflated ego. With confidence, they are less dependent, or they do not need to quit without trying.

Self-love develops EQ and builds a pleasant character

Loving yourself generates a sense of security, freedom, authority, and love. People with self-love mostly have high emotional qualities. They learn to say no in an empathetic and kind way and not feel bad. These people can stand up for their rights and views without being pressed. Self-loving people accept themselves no matter what, so they do not seek approval from others. They know how to handle the undesirable situation without breaking down or losing their cool. With self-love, they remain composed and deal with challenges with positivity and an open mind.

Self-love creates empathy, kindness, and harmony

Loving yourself opens your heart to love and receives love too. With self-love, kindness fills your heart. And that kindness will grow and expand to others around you. When you empathize with yourself, you can empathize with others too. The love for yourself and others will reflect on your facial expression, acts, tone of voice, words, and attitude. It will attract the same energy back to you. You will become positive instead of negative. And it allows you to see the good side of everything and the opportunities in every challenge. Creativity, empathy, understanding, and harmony will arise in your heart. And with self-love, you are content. You have fewer expectations for yourself and others too. And with less expectation, you become happy more easily.

Let’s practice self-love and enjoy the joy of loving ourselves wholeheartedly.

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Self-love & The Agony Of Not Loving Yourself

Self-love & the agony of not loving yourself.
Self-love & The Agony Of Not Loving Yourself

What is it about self-love or the agony of not loving yourself?

You may wonder why these two are relevant. Well, let me show you some examples.

Diana stuffs herself whenever she feels lonely, worthless, and unhappy. Tim drinks himself to unconsciousness every time he deeply feels disappointed in himself. Some gurus said they have problems with self-love.

So what is self-love?

Over the years, we might have heard a lot about self-love. Some people may have the knowledge of self-love. While many people might not even have a clue. What is self-love anyway? And why is it necessary that we practice self-love? What is the agony of not being able to love oneself?

Self-love is about accepting yourself the way you are. You know what your flaws are. And you have peace with them. You understand that nobody is perfect. Neither are you. That is self-love.

What is the difference between self-love and self-acceptance?

People who don’t love themselves can’t accept themselves. So they can never be happy. Despite of their achievement, they are not content. It’s because they don’t feel enough. That is why self-love and self-acceptance come together.

Why do we need to practice self-love?

1. To accept yourself completely

Prevent the habit of self-deception or other psycho pathologies

As mentioned, people who don’t love themselves can’t accept themselves. And since they don’t love themselves, they can’t live with themselves. On the contrary, they want to hold on to all other things and outside factors to keep them occupied and happy. Because being by themselves is too unbearable. They’d rather live a lie and fantasy as they can’t tolerate who they are. This behavior often leads to self-deception. It is also present in psychological pathologies like an alcoholic, shopaholic, or pathological liar.

Resolve the self-destructive behavior and personality

In some less severe cases, people who don’t love themselves might become couch potatoes, snackers, or anti-social. It might be to the opposite extreme, like body dysmorphic disorder. Don’t we see a lot of those nowadays? They exploit external factors to be temporarily happy. After a while, they return to melancholy as the external source of happiness does not last. Nothing lasts. Only their self-acceptance can bring their inner peace.

2. Prevent self-rejection

Self-blame & the sense of inferiority

Self-rejection is related to the absence of self-love. Self-rejection blinds a person from their good points. As they do not like or appreciate themselves, they become oblivious to their strengths and positivities around them. When in a social situation, they spot the wrongs instead of the rights. They don’t think they measure up for anything. They are not good enough. That behavior deteriorates their ability to achieve anything or even to be happy. Consequently, they may live in shadow as they think they don’t deserve a spotlight.

Inflated ego and oversized self-image

On the other hand, some people with a deeper issue of self-lack, or unworthiness, may manifest a different pattern of behavior. They may work hard to measure up for their lack. They become high achievers. As a result, some may inflate their egos with materialistic achievements to feel good and proud.

Unfortunately, those are only their shells. And they cling on those shells so tightly they can’t bear it when someone or some situation threatens their status. Even with materialistic proof of their wealthy status, they are cautious about challenges and feel constantly insecure. Being overlooked or ignored, or criticized by anyone could casually make them unhappy.

That is how fragile their fake happiness is.
It is just because they do not truly love themselves. These people only build new images of themselves they can live with to get away from the true selves they can’t tolerate.

3. Prevention of Self-Hatred

The most severe case of lacking self-love is self-hatred.

Self-hatred is full of negativity. A person with self-hatred has a heart filled with hatred. Hatred is energy. And self-hatred people ignorantly emit negative energy out to the world through their eyes, facial expressions, vibes, attitudes, words, and behaviors.

The negative vibes they vibrate will become a magnet and draw the same negativities to them. It could be an unfortunate event, mishap, negative people, or bad luck.

More importantly, negative people tend to attract the same people into their circle. They may stick together. They may do some activities together, for example, rioting, complaining, criticizing, or worse. The sad part is those negativities will not bring them real happiness. On the contrary, it brings them more agony and a sense of self-hatred.

Why does it become an agony?

Every living on earth loves pleasure and hates suffering. When we do something to disturb the joy of others or cause them suffering, we start a wheel of bad karma. It also creates more negative energy. That negative energy will go around and trigger more negativity and always come back to its source.

Every living on earth loves pleasure and hates suffering. Destroying someone’s peace of mind, happiness or causing someone’s suffering will start the wheel of karma. It generates negative energy initially in your mind and inflicts negativity in the other party. And that energy will be eventually drawn back to you as a consequence.


Now, do you feel the need to learn where you are on the scale of self-love? Do you feel the need to practice genuine self-love now? Start today. I wish you happiness, joy, and inner peace.

I can help you with your sense of insecurity, self-doubt, or self-hatred to achieve self-love. Contact me at support@anniemalista.com or click here to find out more about me and what I am doing.