Is it really about knowing your self-worth?

What to do when receiving a last-minute invitation to a social event from someone in your close circle?

I came across an infographic post about self-respect and self-worth. That post told readers not to attend social events the hosts neglected to invite them in advance. I might agree with the writer when I was younger. But now that I’m more mature, I find some hidden sense of self-lack and hurting ego in the message.

Why?

We might want to ask ourselves why it matters. What does being the last guest invited mean to us? How do we feel about it?

Sometimes we tend to complicate things so much because we are attached to our self-image. The bad news is the image we perceive of ourselves is always different from the image others perceive in us.

Unfortunately, we are not aware of that. We expect our friends, family, and our loved ones to perceive the same image we have of ourselves. When they don’t, we are disappointed and hurt.

So, if we want to turn down some invitations, be sure we do it out of disinterest: not out of ego. When we leave the ego behind, there will be only one question to answer: whether we want to go and see someone at the event. It is that simple.

Wouldn’t that mean we lack self-respect?

No, it would not. On the contrary, it shows how high our self-esteem is. We are confident and satisfied with ourselves. We have self-love. That’s why our egos are not as sensitive. And we can let go of the hurt feeling after acknowledging it. So other people’s opinion about us is not as significant as how we feel about ourselves. That is self-love and self-respect in a combo.

So, next time before we get offended by people not giving us enough respect, shall we reflect first on our thoughts, interpretation of the event, and feelings?

Then, ask ourselves these questions.

1. How do we feel when we first receive this last-minute invitation?
2. What is the default response?
3. What does it mean to us to be respected?

Now take a deep breath and dive deeper into your inner world. Explore how you feel.

What feeling stir up in you? Follow the feeling. Acknowledge its presence. Do not try to deny or put it away. There is no judgment here. Follow the sensation and see where it will lead you. (Remember to keep coming back to your breathing. Know when it comes in and when it goes out.)

• Why do you feel that way?

• What does it mean to you?

• Is there anything else there?

• Does the feeling remind you of other events in life you don’t want to revisit?

• What color is that feeling?

• What is behind it? How big is that feeling?

• And where is it located?

Now, without trying to exaggerate the feeling or keep putting any more interpretation to the event, ask yourself such.

(Remember to keep coming back to your breathing. Know when it comes in and when it goes out.)

• Does the feeling persist or dissolve?

• What is it that remains?

• Is there anything else coming up in your mind?

• What insights do you have from this exercise?

Write a good analysis of your feeling toward the event genuinely and honestly. 

Re-read what you wrote.

What do you learn from it? How do you feel now?

Mostly, you’ll find your strong emotion subside or even dissolve. Congratulations! Practice the exercise until it becomes natural to you. It will help you master your emotion better in the future. It also develops a strong sense of self-worth and self-love proactively.

Try it. And please share your experience, findings, or thoughts about it in the comment box below.

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