How can you handle yourself being around distasteful people?
Have you been in a situation when everything was perfect except for a presence of a single person you couldn’t tolerate?
It happens to me all the time. Whenever I feel happy with my surrounding or my company, there is always a new person who quickly turns on my dark side. I was furious as the person got on my nerve, and I lost my cool and my head too. I always blame that nuisance for ruining my happiness. It has never occurred to me that it wasn’t about them: it was about me.
Are they the present in disguise?
It took years before I realized these nuisances happen to me for a reason. They might be a lesson I need to learn, a present I get to explore my dark side or a challenge I need to overcome. Or it could be all of them. Maybe, my mind attracts these unpleasant people to my life as likes attract likes. They reflect what I dislike about myself. That’s why my reaction was strong and intense.
If you share the same challenge, maybe I can share how I handle myself around them.
No. 1
First, I remind myself that I can’t control others but myself. With that in mind, I start letting go of the negativity and look for the positive points I can appreciate in the person for peace of mind.
No. 2
Second, I explore my feeling toward the person. Explore why I don’t like them. Are there any traits in them I dislike; that I can relate to my own? When I practice this exercise and am honest to myself, empathy arises. It supersedes the hatred I had for the person. It induces compassion as well. After that, I still dislike the person. However, I can manage my feeling and reaction better around them. I understand and empathize with them and myself. That makes being around them a lot easier.
No. 3
Third, I study how I can grow from the experience. What kind of present did this encounter bring to me? What can I learn from it? Can I change to rid myself of those flaws I distaste in the other person? As a result, I can develop my weakness and become a better person.
No. 4
Fourth, I realize the hatred dwelling in my mind. The person was only the trigger: not the root cause. So I feel sorry for their flaws as much as for mine. And that helps me with genuine forgiveness.
So how about you? Do you want to try some of these four tricks to help you cope with distasteful people and grow out of them?
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