Why are we talking about yearnings?
I have talked about fears that hold us back in life. In this article, I will explore one of the main factors triggering those fears.
As mentioned, fears arise when our brain interprets some event or someone as a threat. So, what are those threats for exactly?
We feel threatened when we feel insecure and afraid of losing something. These fears come from the utmost need in our minds. If you are familiar with the Iceberg theory, these desires lie one layer before the bottom end of the iceberg.
What are the ten psychological yearnings?
Virginia Satir was a renowned psychologist and one of the first family therapists. She discovered the most common psychological desires in people of all ages, sex, races, and ethnicities that trigger expectations and reactions. She categorized them into ten such yearnings.
- To love and be loved
- To be accepted
- To be free
- To be recognized and valuable
- To be purposeful
- To belong
- To be connected emotionally with someone
- The yearning for proximity
- The need for security
- The desire to have peace of mind
Aren’t they all connected?
You might notice these psychological yearnings are intertwined. The need to be accepted comes with the need to belong and be connected emotionally. The need for security comes with the desire to love and be loved.
These psychological yearnings induce expectation. And when expectations are unmet, we become unhappy. So when we feel something might take away our freedom, security, or reputation, we will react. The reaction could be a flight or a fight. Sometimes we freeze first to process the situation.
So we might want to identify our psychological yearnings to understand our drive and motifs. It helps us set goals and design our lives that match our psychological needs.
It is also helpful to understand these psychological yearnings to understand what triggers us. So we can be more cautious not to react. On the contrary, we can take action instead to avoid damage.
So whenever you feel something shatter you in your core, try to identify what it is. These questions might be useful to you.
- How do you feel about it?
- How do you interpret it?
- What do you think you will lose from the situation that scares you?
- How can you handle the situation proactively?
- What are the most important to you among these ten yearnings?
Find out what your psychological yearnings are, so you can start living the life you want.
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