Self-love & The Agony Of Not Loving Yourself

Self-love & the agony of not loving yourself.
Self-love & The Agony Of Not Loving Yourself

What is it about self-love or the agony of not loving yourself?

You may wonder why these two are relevant. Well, let me show you some examples.

Diana stuffs herself whenever she feels lonely, worthless, and unhappy. Tim drinks himself to unconsciousness every time he deeply feels disappointed in himself. Some gurus said they have problems with self-love.

So what is self-love?

Over the years, we might have heard a lot about self-love. Some people may have the knowledge of self-love. While many people might not even have a clue. What is self-love anyway? And why is it necessary that we practice self-love? What is the agony of not being able to love oneself?

Self-love is about accepting yourself the way you are. You know what your flaws are. And you have peace with them. You understand that nobody is perfect. Neither are you. That is self-love.

What is the difference between self-love and self-acceptance?

People who don’t love themselves can’t accept themselves. So they can never be happy. Despite of their achievement, they are not content. It’s because they don’t feel enough. That is why self-love and self-acceptance come together.

Why do we need to practice self-love?

1. To accept yourself completely

Prevent the habit of self-deception or other psycho pathologies

As mentioned, people who don’t love themselves can’t accept themselves. And since they don’t love themselves, they can’t live with themselves. On the contrary, they want to hold on to all other things and outside factors to keep them occupied and happy. Because being by themselves is too unbearable. They’d rather live a lie and fantasy as they can’t tolerate who they are. This behavior often leads to self-deception. It is also present in psychological pathologies like an alcoholic, shopaholic, or pathological liar.

Resolve the self-destructive behavior and personality

In some less severe cases, people who don’t love themselves might become couch potatoes, snackers, or anti-social. It might be to the opposite extreme, like body dysmorphic disorder. Don’t we see a lot of those nowadays? They exploit external factors to be temporarily happy. After a while, they return to melancholy as the external source of happiness does not last. Nothing lasts. Only their self-acceptance can bring their inner peace.

2. Prevent self-rejection

Self-blame & the sense of inferiority

Self-rejection is related to the absence of self-love. Self-rejection blinds a person from their good points. As they do not like or appreciate themselves, they become oblivious to their strengths and positivities around them. When in a social situation, they spot the wrongs instead of the rights. They don’t think they measure up for anything. They are not good enough. That behavior deteriorates their ability to achieve anything or even to be happy. Consequently, they may live in shadow as they think they don’t deserve a spotlight.

Inflated ego and oversized self-image

On the other hand, some people with a deeper issue of self-lack, or unworthiness, may manifest a different pattern of behavior. They may work hard to measure up for their lack. They become high achievers. As a result, some may inflate their egos with materialistic achievements to feel good and proud.

Unfortunately, those are only their shells. And they cling on those shells so tightly they can’t bear it when someone or some situation threatens their status. Even with materialistic proof of their wealthy status, they are cautious about challenges and feel constantly insecure. Being overlooked or ignored, or criticized by anyone could casually make them unhappy.

That is how fragile their fake happiness is.
It is just because they do not truly love themselves. These people only build new images of themselves they can live with to get away from the true selves they can’t tolerate.

3. Prevention of Self-Hatred

The most severe case of lacking self-love is self-hatred.

Self-hatred is full of negativity. A person with self-hatred has a heart filled with hatred. Hatred is energy. And self-hatred people ignorantly emit negative energy out to the world through their eyes, facial expressions, vibes, attitudes, words, and behaviors.

The negative vibes they vibrate will become a magnet and draw the same negativities to them. It could be an unfortunate event, mishap, negative people, or bad luck.

More importantly, negative people tend to attract the same people into their circle. They may stick together. They may do some activities together, for example, rioting, complaining, criticizing, or worse. The sad part is those negativities will not bring them real happiness. On the contrary, it brings them more agony and a sense of self-hatred.

Why does it become an agony?

Every living on earth loves pleasure and hates suffering. When we do something to disturb the joy of others or cause them suffering, we start a wheel of bad karma. It also creates more negative energy. That negative energy will go around and trigger more negativity and always come back to its source.

Every living on earth loves pleasure and hates suffering. Destroying someone’s peace of mind, happiness or causing someone’s suffering will start the wheel of karma. It generates negative energy initially in your mind and inflicts negativity in the other party. And that energy will be eventually drawn back to you as a consequence.


Now, do you feel the need to learn where you are on the scale of self-love? Do you feel the need to practice genuine self-love now? Start today. I wish you happiness, joy, and inner peace.

I can help you with your sense of insecurity, self-doubt, or self-hatred to achieve self-love. Contact me at support@anniemalista.com or click here to find out more about me and what I am doing.

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